FrUsTrAtIoNs!!

So, I guess that this is my downer time!? LOL!! Seriously, I guess that I have a few more moments than is normal, however....here I go...

I can't tell you how excited I am to be in the radiology tech. program. I have been waiting for awhile to be here. With everything that has happened, I feel incredibly blessed. I absolutely feel that I have found something I enjoy!!

Nevertheless.....I feel like I am just not quite catching on like I am suppose to. Shame on me for comparing myself with others, I know, but hey, what can I say? I am Krystell....it's a given!! But I am hard headed, and refuse to give up. Kind of like "the little engine that could". I have to remind myself that "I think I can, I think I can" only to meet reality smack dab in the face, I am struggling!?!! It's only my first semester, and I am so terrified that if I am struggling this early, how is it going to be in the next semesters!? And I hope I don't fail out of the program, that would be devastating...

My fav. part of the program are the clinicals. It's so much fun to interact with the techs and students, and work with the patients. But, like with everything... there is opposition to all things....and what is that opposition, you might ask? Every tech. uses different techniques and guidelines....all to end up with pretty much the same pic. I guess it all just depends on what works best for you....which after awhile, I finally became ok with that. The problem that I do have, is that when I go to do an exam, the tech that is following corrects me because I am not doing it their way. So I change for them....and then I go to do the same exam with a different person, and THE SAME THING HAPPENS!?! I am doing things wrong, and they show me their own way of doing it. I think I would feel so much better if I was just assigned to one tech, and I would learn their way, get confident in that process, and then if needed I can change techs....I get so flustered trying to remember what all the different techs prefer. Oh well, such is life, right? I am just incredibly grateful that they are all so kind and patient, and don't mind teaching.

Also, to add onto that, I am frustrated because I have not been able to do a session at the temple every week. In fact, it's starting to look more like once a month instead....urgh!! It helped me so much in the past to go regularly. And I can feel the difference now that I haven't been able to. Oh, and then because I have clinicals randomly everywhere, I have to rearrange my work schedule to fit, and by doing so, I miss out in sleeping, but most importantly I miss going to church a few times a month....another urgh!?!! So, feeling spiritually down, mentally down, and just plain exhausted....I have found that this is going to be a whole lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

The very idea that I still have three more years of this psychotic life....makes me tear up!! I truly hope and pray that I not only survive, but I actually will enjoy the whole experience.... I seriously need a big huge boost... any ideas?